12 Points to make you consider why Valentine's Day is not so evil.

For me Valentine's day is not important today. What rather matters is individuals excessively spending their energy to oppose the idea and their ability to reason and capacity to understand reasoning. I fail to understand the social unrest and unrelated debates that this day sparks each year. So I have decided to share my perspective on this overhyped feast day, which is also an annual public holiday in many countries.

1. Just by naming our country Pakistan, which means land of the pure, we all won't become pure entitled to paradise by default. By naming a particular day after a Christian Saint, don't make those infidels (or Mushrik) who participate in it.

2. Saint Valentine's Day is not celebrated anywhere in the world in religious capacity. It is a social festival and practically it has nothing to do with any religion whatsoever.

3. Just as 1st May due to some historical significance is arbitrarily chosen as Labour Day by many countries, 14th February is taken globally as Lover's Day or the day when people express their love.

4. Just like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Siblings Day etc this day is considered a de facto day to express your feelings. Since we celebrate all such days (none of which are part of our religion or culture) along with international community to show solidarity. It makes more sense to do that in this scenario too.

5. Just like we can neutralise and culturalize any social festivals, we can also rebrand or customise the Valentine's Day as per our religious teachings and cultural norms. We can educate people about the extents or limits that are permissible in our religion.

6. Just as globally red is considered as colour of love and people use red roses, chocolates and teddy beard to express the emotion. We can arbitrary chose whatever represents us best for the occasion too. You can even present your sweet heart with a warm freshly made bowl of "Doodh Jalaibi" or "Ghulam Jamuns".¨

7. The day is all about expressing or re-expressing your love. Hazrat Khadija (1st lady in Islam) purposed Muhammed PBUH for wedding (which he accepted). There is no harm if a nice gentleman sends a message to your daughter or sister. This is not adultery by any standards.

8. It may not be necessary to associate a specific day to express love. But a dedicated occasion can encourage some shy, introvert and socially awkward to overcome their fears and express easiy. This idea is universally encouraged as not everyone watches Bollywood movies and is romantic.

9. If one of your uncles consume 10 Kg meat on Eid ul-Adha and he dies of heart attack, you can't blame Eid ul-Adha for his misconduct. Similarly if some nymphomaniacs book a hotel room to mingle on 14th February it is wrong to abuse the whole idea.

10. The day generates significant economic activity which is good for economy. It is mostly poor people in our society who sell balloons and flowers on such day. We could always donate something along to help them an extra mile. This generosity will impress our loved one too.

11. Culture and traditions evolve all the time. 100 years ago no one was celebrating Valentine's Day in our country. But neither was anyone cutting cakes on birthdays or having 33 functions on occasion of wedding.

12. 70% marriages in Pakistan are either 1st or 2nd cousin marriages. In many states in America, China and many countries cousin marriages are banned due to health risks. Even Prophet PBUH encouraged marriages outside cast, tribe etc. This day can be used to know potential partners who fall outside our usual social circles.

Remember either you can dictate the teens who are going though natural hormonal changes or you can educate them and provide them a channel or platform to make better choices. Honour killing is an integral part of our society and still considered a virtue in our tribal cultures. Spreading hatred, extremism and painting the whole thing in black and white using religion can't do any good to our already suffering society. Spread love, kindness, compassion, tolerance, empathy and joy on this day. Written by: Talha Mahmood Sheikh

Pakistan Super League and a Pakistani !!!

Beta (Daughter): Papa What are you doing?

Father: I am watching 2 privately owned teams of a $93 million sports franchise of a country where 60% are poor and earn $1 a day, and whose national debt is soon to cross $90 billion called Pakistan.

The event is called Pakistan Super League but being played in Dubai as Pakistan is too dangerous to invite foreigners to come and play with us. We have some people among us who like to kill them.

They are professional players beta who are playing against each other not because they are motivated by love of game or their state, country, nation or city. But because they get paid insane amount of money by corporations to entertain us, so these corporations can make more money. This is a business beta and this this can only work if I will watch these matches. Uncle Riaz of Bahria Town will lose money otherwise.

Karachi might be in miserable state as thousands get killed each year because of gang wars, terrorism, target killings, heat waves, poor living conditions, no law and order, broken sanitation system, violent ethnic conflicts etc. but their team is called Karachi Kings beta and we have white people in it. Real people with white skin who speak English.

Similarly, no matter how bad ethnic cleansing is going on in Quetta and Shiites and Baloch nationalists get disappeared or killed, and no matter how frequently we need to close all our educational institutions because of poor security and terrorists who come and kill students, there team has real gladiators beta.

Our politicians may have never been able to agree on any serious issue and make any real decisions in Parliament since long long time in Islamabad, but team is called united beta.

Rich people might spend millions in pompous Lahore just on weddings where a rich bride’s dress cost the amount on which a poor can run his family for an year, but their team has only pure qalandars beta.

And forget all the “zulm” that has been happening in Afghan refugees and poor Pashtuns in Peshawar because of our proxy war with India and Afghanistan, they are “Zalmi” now. Say “Zalmi” beta !!

You see, we might not have electricity and gas in our homes, people may not get clean water to drink, subsidized food items to eat, healthcare to save dying children in Sind, education to enroll 13 million girls who have never seen a classroom, and justice to bring generals and politicians to accountability.

And we may also have lost 90,000 men and $120 billion in a war that was not ours to begin with, and world may say that we are most corrupt and terror promoting nation with a rotten society that stands among 3 worst, discriminating people based on gender, religion, sect, ethnicity, sexuality etc.

But we have our own super league now beta. And we should be proud of it and enjoy watching these nerve biting cricket matches.

By Talha M. Sheikh 

12 Ways you Get People to Like You in Pakistan

We all want to be liked, loved, accepted, appreciated, be part of something bigger and greater, and even glorified at times. The numbers of people following you matter a lot as in the end it is the sheer crowd behind you that decides how right or wrong you are.

Curse to all those rebellious reformists and so call secular pseudo-liberals and progressive thinkers. This write-up aims at socially awkward and eccentric people, bad learners like me, who try hard but can’t help but staying low profile at the end.

I sincerely hope that these big and small tips will provide some help to those who aspire our national idols like Hamza Ali Abbasi and likes.

1. Pretend religious. Remember ours is an extremely religious society. We treat even suspicion of blasphemy and anything against religion with no less than death. It is important to be religious but when it comes to fit in properly more important is to pretend properly and convince others that you are a firm believer. The best way to do it is to keep quoting from Quran and Hadith from time to time, preaching and correcting others about whatever you could, and if you are on social media by sharing those 500,000 posts from islamic pages daily along with pictures of you or your kid praying and reading Quran.

2. Be a conformist. Basically this means that you should show deep commitment with whatever has been happening in past up till now, and follow the traditions that exist in society very very passionately. Always behave in a way that is acceptable, as every society has some unwritten rules and established practices. For example weeping along if you are in a religious sermon (no matter how funny you find the situation) and chanting slogans like death to America (even if you have visa in progress) in political rallies. You just need to have a good observation and all you got to do next is copy the conventions and do exactly what most respectable and rich people do in society.

3. Don’t ask questions. Mind it as this is very important. Asking questions could be very dangerous at times. Most direct implication especially when you question your superiors or elders is that you are trying to embarrass them and this is disrespectful. In gatherings most appropriate way to behave is to keep your mouth shut and act convinced. You can even gain some attention by shouting along loudly and passionately. On social media you can check-in during events and share their words along with their pictures. And keep a separate profile for flirting with girls.

4. Respect the authority. Be it your King, Caliph, Imam; anybody with some powers to make a decision for you. You want a bright future and these are the people who can make it or destroy it. You have to show absolute submission as only submission indicate loyalty. The one in authority is always right, and it even becomes your duty automatically to preach ahead what they say and confront the traitors who don’t get convinced by official version of events. You could kill them too but it is unfortunately unlawful. If not you could start by following ISPR immediately.

5. Monologues only. Sermons in a mosque, speeches in a political gathering and lectures in classrooms are one way roads only. Your job should be to take notes and ask question at the end that compliment the speaker and his stance. Any attempt to engage in a dialogue is revolt. Dr Zakir Naik mutes mic after one question for good reasons. In mosque our tradition is to take interruptions as abuses and in political gatherings it is mutiny. Stand up when national anthem get played. If you even suspect others of being ill mannered, show your disapproval by maintaing a distance from them. On social media you can simply block and delete them.

6. Do not think. Don’t even try this even at home. Remember there are 108,000,000,000 people who have trod past you on this planet. There have been great prophets, caliphs, imams, reformists, leaders etc. in the past, even calling their names in head calls for 1 minute silence in respect, (Note: Please stop reading for 1 minute if any such name has struck you) and if you try to think for yourself, this implies that you are not convinced of their greatness and holiness. The ideas your forefathers have accepted need not be revised by you, if you are their authentic offspring. Save calories and blood sugar by not pushing those neurons in your head. This keeps you healthy too.

7. Be patriotic. Nationalism is new cool. Your country, your state, your nation, your ethnicity, your sect, your cast, your creed and your family is always right. If you are married so is your wife. The very reason that they are yours and you are born among them is the decisive and final argument and you need not bother about rest. Nationalism demands you to be proud of what is yours, memorize and sing those jingo songs along and celebrate all the events that signify something no matter how fabricated it is. Decorated I mean, not fabricated. Sorry that was a typo. I mean it.

8. Burn the traitors. Some may call them whistle blowers but how good is one who causes embarrassment by insulting the nation in the whole world. Pretend you care, in real life you could do that by nodding your head in right direction and on social media by abusing your nobel laureates and dissidents. If you see Malal’s or Sharmeen’s picture just write bitch in comments section. If you have a colour printer, print posters of Ansar Abbasi, Zaid Hamid and Oreo biscuits and stick them on your wall.

9. Be a reactionary. Remember change is always bad. From religious perspective we are approaching the dooms day and all these changes are signs and prophecies full-filled. Armageddon could be very next minute now. (You can watch Dr Shahid Masood’s End of Times if you are in doubt.) Also convince others to return to past and previous states where our society was ideal. At times you should even shed tears on lost utopian times and golden ages and curse industrialization and modernization.

10. Blame others. Remember all the bad that exists is because of those other people especially 1st world. Those other humans, other nations, other religions, etc. always conspire against you and don’t want you to progress. Tit for tat is an old universal rule so you should do the same when you get the chance. If you are Muslims you better know that Christians, Jews and all people belonging to all other religions can never be your friends. Take comfort in the fact that will burn in hell fire till eternity after death while you will mingle with 70+ virgins.

11. Take pride in your misery. When people die in natural disasters like earth quakes, blame them for being obscene and morally corrupt. If anyone tries to help them for example by vaccinating against polio, you should disclose the conspiracy. No good can ever come from others. I could also say burn your TV and radio but since Maulana Tariq Jameel and Junaid Jamshed get broadcasted now so you better not. You better listen them former cricketers who are televangelists now.

12. Despise the foreign ways and choose what is your own. Criticize the way infidels dress, their education system, their political system, their society, their events, traditions and values, while sending your children to private schools making sure that they follow the very same. Curse science but use antibiotics and anesthesia during operation to not to shit in your pants. Buy Apple and Samsung but set a nasheed as ringtone, Honda and Toyota but put an Islamic sticker at rare window, use only halal banking and money transfer, drink halal cola, and pretend you care about dying Syrian, Libyan and Burmese muslims by rebuking West for not taking in enough immigrants. But respect the Gulf states as your nephew works there who sends you money sometimes.

Talha Mahmood Sheikh